Some people are just good at things. Some are excellent scholars, some are able to speak 11 languages, some can throw a ball at 80 mph, and there are even a select few who can name every alien/monster/thing from Star Wars. (Don't ask me why, it makes them happy so just go with it). I am not good at any of these things. The only thing I have ever excelled at, is living my life from one disaster to the next. I know, right? Lame blog. Right here.
The only good thing about my little "adventures" as I've come to call them, is that they often are quite hilarious for my friends and family. Seriously, I have one friend who calls whenever she's had a bad day just to hear how I belly flopped in the middle of the crosswalk or managed to sleep talk in the middle of class about how attractive I think the guy next to me is. Perks her up every time.
So I decided to share my adventures with the rest of the world. And by the rest of the world, I mean the same people I've been sharing them with my whole life. This just means I only have to explain it once.
For my first entry, I will explain how last Saturday sucked. For starters, Thong Guy came into the bakery (my job) that morning. Thong Guy is a creepy man in his late 50s who works construction and hits on me by saying the most disgusting things. Oh, and he also wears women's thongs that can clearly be see when he sits down. Thong of the day: sequined hot pink. He didn't say much today, but he did go out of his way to stare at my ass. He even got up out of his seat and pressed himself against the window to watch me bend over and take the bread out of the bottom oven. My boss made me Windex the spittle off after he left.
After work, I went home and started to take my laundry out of the dryer. Inside I found my beautiful, mandarin orange iPod nano warped from being dried on high heat 3 times. Why 3 times? Because the belt to my washing machine is busted, which means my clothes come out sopping wet and 2 dries just doesn't cut it. The outside was literally warped. Sigh.
So I went to console myself with a glass of ice cold soda. You know how dentists say soda is bad for your teeth? Well apparently, so is the glass you drink it from. I guess I was concentrating so hard on my iPod that I didn't position the glass correctly, and I chipped my tooth. Top right, between the front one and the incisor. I think. I don't speak dentist so I don't really know. I'm 22, which means I'm not eligible to stay on my parents Dental Plan, which means I'm screwed. My roommate says it's not noticeable, but it feels like a huge crater, just like how every cut you get in your mouth feel ginormous but it's not even a cm. And it's SHARP. I keep catching my lip/tongue on it. So know I have a hole in my tooth, a hole in my lip and the right side of my tongue is raw.
Life would be fan-flippin-tastic if the Tooth Fairy gave money to us uninsured college kids instead of 7 year olds. What do they need 50 cents for? Come to my house, I'll give a tiny fraction of my tooth, you give me the couple hundred I need to fix it. Everyone wins. Kinda.
I now complete my first blog post. My first long, rambling, lame blog post.
i think you meant 'hole' and not 'whole.'
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